Business



Some of you probably know I started a new business venture a few months ago. I sell Gourmet Coffee. The retail side is not doing very well, but I also do fundraisers. I can help any group such as schools, churches, sports teams, etc raise needed funds while at the same time providing a great product. Such non-profits can make 50 percent on every sale. They sell a bag for 10 bucks and keep 5. I also make a small profit, so everyone is happy! If you are interested or know of someone else who may be, please contact me at rbroyalgourmetcoffee@yahoo.com.

Now before you go thinking that this blog is just one big blab fest about how great this all is, I will let you know that I have failed in a few business ventures before. Let me tell you about some of them.

Rice-a-Roni stand. I was visiting San Fransisco and saw a trolley car, which reminded me of Rice-a-Roni. You know the jingle, "Riiice a Roni, the San Fransisco Treat!" That got me thinking. In all my times of visiting the city by the Bay, I have never seen any evidence that Rice-a-Roni is popular, or even is present there. Being the savvy businessman that I am, I bought a hot dog cart, and converted it to a Rice-a-Roni stand. "All your favorite flavors, get yer Rice-a-Roni heeere." I had a few people try it, but business was not brisk. Then I had an idea, it needed to be easier to eat. Folks in the city are on the run, so I decided to sell my R-a-R on a stick. Sales took off! In the first few hours I had over a hundred sales! I was so excited! Then, the Health Dept showed up and said they were shutting me down. Seems all those people ended up in the Emergency Room with upset tummies. All right, so it was more like projectile vomiting. How was I supposed to know wood glue wasn't edible?

Tennis Ball Shop. I was in the park, enjoying watching the kids play and a man throw a ball for his dog. He accidentally threw the ball to far, over a fence, then shrugged and walked off. Saddened, I went home. Then it hit me. What If I had a tennis ball business, for all the dogs and owners! There were a few obstacles. First off, how would I get the balls cheap enough to sell? So, I put on a fake mustache and then I made an official looking name badge, that read "Ball inspector". Then I went over too the local courts and walked in. I flashed my badge and said loudly "Ball inspector". One man started pulling at his shorts so I said quickly, "Hand over the tennis balls". I then explained that the balls they were clearly marked "made in China", which meant that they were filled with toxic gas. I confiscated them and repeated this for a few months until I had enough to open my store. I hired a skyplane advertisement that read "My balls are better", and also a guy who juggled my balls. Things were going pretty well, and I thought I had a winner this time. Then a guy came in the shop carrying his clearly dead Shar Pei. He flopped it on the counter and screamed, "you killed Sir Wellington, with your faulty balls". How was I supposed to know that balls marked "made in China" really did have poison gas inside?

Assorted other ventures. Rubik's cube for dummies. All the squares and sides were the same color. Had 50000 made, sold 11.
Then there was Pet Hairballs. Kind of like the famous Pet Rock only....ya, another failure.
Toenail sculptures. Nope.
Earwig circus. If the fleas can do it then so can earwigs, so I thought. All they did was pinch my customers.
Pope soap on a rope. Apparently, catholics do not like a miniature pope that looks like he is being hung. They have no sense of humor.
Also tried selling the KKK version of GI Joe. Came with removable hood and action burning cross. Also a no go.
Lastly was the dead decomposed rat in a box. After all, if your Dad gives one to you for your birthday, then it must be good. Yes, that really happened to me. I have not forgotten Pops. You just never know when a snake could end up in your bed or car. Insert evil laugh here!

Hope your Thanksgiving will be great, God Bless you all!
RB~