Things I like Things I don’t like

Witty Banter ----------------Shameful Put Downs
Smoked Salmon ---------------Pickled Herring
A Light Breeze --------------Horizontal Rain
Honest Music (Alison Krauss) Manufactured Music (Soulja Boy)
Football --------------------Baseball
A Healthy Lawn --------------Crabgrass
Camouflage ------------------Clothing with “Fancy Names”
A Good picture --------------A Bad Tattoo
Bob Barker (Spay Your Pets) -Drew Carey (Awkwardly Bad)
Fiscal Responsibility -------Politics as Usual
Genuine Humility ------------Crass Carelessness
A David Gilmore Guitar Solo -Anything Poison Ever Did
In & Out Burgers --------McDonald's
Making People Laugh ---------Stupid Prejudices
Church Food Closets ---------Government Handouts to Those Who Won’t Work
Morgan Freeman Movies -------Tim Burton Flicks
Scrabble --------------------Gin Rummy
Fantasy Football ------------Online “First Person” Games
Monster Trucks --------------Tow Trucks
Redwood Tree’s --------------Poison Oak
Ellen DeGeneres -------------Rosie O Donnell
Clean Sheets ----------------Dirty Towels
Helpfulness -----------------Selfishness (especially my own)
Reading & Writing -------Math
Narnia ----------------------Vampire Books or Movies
A Good Bargain --------------Overpriced Movie Tickets
Cold Tea (Beer Too) ---------Warm Water (or Beer)
Chicken Pizza ---------------Greasy Fast Food
Your Friendship -------------Mean People
Good Values -----------------Irresponsible behavior that leads to lawsuits
Camping ---------------------Big Cities
a 8' Native Rainbow Trout ---A 6 pound Carp
Armstrong and Getty ---------Bill Maher
Flowers----------------------Weeds
Happy Endings----------------Losing loved Ones
Giggling---------------------Angry Words
My Bed-----------------------Homelessness
My Dog and Cats--------------Rats


Hang It Up
Hello there all you customers, please acknowledge my existence.
I am trying to communicate, don’t underestimate my persistence.
Maybe no one told you, but you’re behavior is so rude.
Talking on your phone in line, puts me in a grumpy mood.
I ring up your special items, and try to be polite.
But when you ignore my service, it makes me want to fight.
I am not a violent person, but you have left me little choice.
I’m tired of always being ignored, so listen to my voice.
The next time you come through my line, just keep your cell phone shut.
For if you show me disrespect, you’ll have to answer from your butt.