Wolf.

Wolf

Look over and beyond, a wolf off in the distance.
I think it wants to eat me, so I am leaving in an instance.
I start to run away, and it runs right after me.
I know that it is hungry, so I begin to flee.
I go as quickly as I can, and glance back to look.
It looks as though its gaining, so I really start to cook.
But fast as I can go, the wolf can go more quick.
I think I'll be his dinner, and the thought just makes me sick.
He is getting closer now, no matter how hard I try.
I hear its breath behind me, so I begin to cry.
I finally fall down, I know the end is near.
I know that he is close, his scary growl I hear.
Then I am surprised, as I feel him lick my cheek.
So I open up my eyes, and take a little peek.
Its no wolf at all, I think someone's played a prank.
If you want to know the truth, it's my weiner dog named Frank.

Greetings! Hope this note finds you enjoying the goodness of life, whether you believe in God or not! I got this info in an email and thought it was worth passing on. We hear so much about the separation of church and state, and what the ACLU tries to pass off as normal, but all 50 states mention the Almighty as important for their existence. The further we remove Him from our country, and our lives, the further we go into insanity. I won't tell you that you have to believe or worship, but please don't tell me I can't. Blessings to you and yours everyone!

The Preambles of all 50 States Of The United States:

Alabama 1901, Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.

Alaska a 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.

Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...

Arkansas 1874, Preamble . We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...

California 1879, Preamble . We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom. Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.

Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.

Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping g and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.

Florida 1885, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution...

Georgia 1777, Preamble . We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...

Hawaii 1959, Preamble. We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance . Establish this Constitution.

Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.

Illinois 18 70, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.

Iowa 1857, Preamble We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution.

Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.

Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...

Louisiana 1921, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity ... And imploring His aid and direction.

Maryland 1776, Preamble We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty...

Massachusetts 1780, Preamble. We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe .. In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction ..

Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution.

Minnesota, 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:

Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work. Missouri 1845, Preamble. We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness . Establish this Constitution .

Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution ..

Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom . Establish this Constitution.

Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution .

New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every i individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty

New York 1846, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.

North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those

North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We , the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...

Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common Oklahoma 1907, Preamble. Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty ... establish this

Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences..

Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance

Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking t o Him for a blessing

South Carolina, 1778, Preamble. We, the people of he State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution. South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties .

Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience..

Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.

Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.

Vermont 1777, Preamble. Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man ..

Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other .

Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution

West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God ..

Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility

Wyoming 1890, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties .. establish this Constitution.


Please note that at no time is anyone told that they MUST worship God.

"Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants." - William Penn

"What a man believes, he will die for. What a man thinks, he will change his mind about." - Unknown

"The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart". - Rich Sherman

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." - Psalm 111:10

Things I like Things I don’t like

Witty Banter ----------------Shameful Put Downs
Smoked Salmon ---------------Pickled Herring
A Light Breeze --------------Horizontal Rain
Honest Music (Alison Krauss) Manufactured Music (Soulja Boy)
Football --------------------Baseball
A Healthy Lawn --------------Crabgrass
Camouflage ------------------Clothing with “Fancy Names”
A Good picture --------------A Bad Tattoo
Bob Barker (Spay Your Pets) -Drew Carey (Awkwardly Bad)
Fiscal Responsibility -------Politics as Usual
Genuine Humility ------------Crass Carelessness
A David Gilmore Guitar Solo -Anything Poison Ever Did
In & Out Burgers --------McDonald's
Making People Laugh ---------Stupid Prejudices
Church Food Closets ---------Government Handouts to Those Who Won’t Work
Morgan Freeman Movies -------Tim Burton Flicks
Scrabble --------------------Gin Rummy
Fantasy Football ------------Online “First Person” Games
Monster Trucks --------------Tow Trucks
Redwood Tree’s --------------Poison Oak
Ellen DeGeneres -------------Rosie O Donnell
Clean Sheets ----------------Dirty Towels
Helpfulness -----------------Selfishness (especially my own)
Reading & Writing -------Math
Narnia ----------------------Vampire Books or Movies
A Good Bargain --------------Overpriced Movie Tickets
Cold Tea (Beer Too) ---------Warm Water (or Beer)
Chicken Pizza ---------------Greasy Fast Food
Your Friendship -------------Mean People
Good Values -----------------Irresponsible behavior that leads to lawsuits
Camping ---------------------Big Cities
a 8' Native Rainbow Trout ---A 6 pound Carp
Armstrong and Getty ---------Bill Maher
Flowers----------------------Weeds
Happy Endings----------------Losing loved Ones
Giggling---------------------Angry Words
My Bed-----------------------Homelessness
My Dog and Cats--------------Rats


Hang It Up
Hello there all you customers, please acknowledge my existence.
I am trying to communicate, don’t underestimate my persistence.
Maybe no one told you, but you’re behavior is so rude.
Talking on your phone in line, puts me in a grumpy mood.
I ring up your special items, and try to be polite.
But when you ignore my service, it makes me want to fight.
I am not a violent person, but you have left me little choice.
I’m tired of always being ignored, so listen to my voice.
The next time you come through my line, just keep your cell phone shut.
For if you show me disrespect, you’ll have to answer from your butt.

Time flies, its April already?

Wow, its been over a month since my last post, how time flies! Let me give you an update on what is happening in the Buckman household, as well as other news and notes.

I guess you could say that I have had a bit of writer's block recently and found it hard to pick up that 1000 pound pen. A crazy schedule, some cool shows on the boob toob, and just good old fashioned laziness are the real reasons. This blog, as silly and mundane as it can be at times, is good therapy for me. I often wonder if more than a few people, (thanks Mom) actually read it, or more importantly, get anything out of it. But the real reason I write is because I like to, and have things to say. OK, I admit, I like making people smile as well, but that is just a bonus if it happens. So it's nice to be back, even if it was only a little over a month being "gone".
Oh, it would have been a bit sooner, but last week while attempting to install some new memory on our old computer, I apparently did not do it correctly, as i smelled something burning. That something was the mother-board. Bye Bye P.O.S. 2003. So named by its builder and my brother in law, Mike. Since I try and keep this blog family friendly, I will not say what P.O.S. stands for but I bet if you think on it long enough it will come to you.(LMAO.)
So far, P.O.S. 2009 is doing OK. I hope we will be BFF or at least till I do something stupid again, and blow up the Photon Tubes. JK....

Speaking of Mike and his family, they had a very memorable good friday this year, as a tornado tore through their neighborhood and destroyed several homes, as well as causing damage to 500 others. The worst part was a young mother and baby were also killed in the mayhem. While we are VERY glad you guys are well, we are also saddened by the destruction. Please accept a virtual hug from us, and know that you are loved. For those that are interested in Mikes wife, Kristen's blog journal about this tragic event, here is the address: http://gymratmama.blogspot.com/

I decided to tell our girls the truth this year, that there is no Easter Bunny. They seemed sad, until I told them there was really an Easter Pig, who brings us bacon baskets and hides ham’s in the yard. (Kosher, of course) They were not happy about not getting candy, or about finding a canned Hormel in our rose bushes, but they will come around. Let’s hope they take the news about Father’s day better. That’s right, it is now required that they give me beef jerky and rub my feet for an hour each. Ahhh, to be king is good….

Kathie celebrated her birthday last month and in honor of that special day, I wrote her a poem:

Today is your birthday so hip hip hooray.
Strike up the band and have them play.
“Happy Birthday”, or maybe “Forever young”.
Let me give you a kiss and I’m using my tongue.
You’re still in your thirties and I still find you hot.
So get over here and I’ll show you what I got.
It’s a surprise so don’t peek till you get here.
It’s my gift to you and I’m really sincere.
Now open your eyes and tell me it’s cute.
I’m here for you in my Birthday suit!

Kath, I really do love you woman, and thank you for loving me. I am so glad you are my partner. We will celebrate 18 years together later this month, and let me proclaim to the world: I love Kathie Buckman! (And still find her hot.)

An update on the Raleys/Bel Air commercial contest. My friend from work, Chris, won the contest! Way to go buddy, great job. I’m sure the 5k came in handy. OK, 3600 after taxes. (yes, a 47% tax on winnings. Ouch.) I’ll win it next time, when I remember to turn on the camera in time. (Doh!)

Recently, two events have made me reflect on earthly and eternal matters. First, one of Alicia’s assistant soccer coaches, Tony, died at the age of 40. He died in his sleep from heart failure. He leaves behind 2 daughters and a wife, and many, many friends and family. I saw evidence of that at his memorial service last week, where over 400 people showed up to celebrate his life and to encourage his family. Tony loved life and making others laugh and had so many other admirable qualities. Lots of people shared stories of how he had touched or influenced their lives in one way or another. Yes, many tears of grief were shed, but many smiles and heads nodding told the story of his life. The thing that got to me was that I had said hi to him a few times, but never really had a chance to talk with him. Or maybe I never took the chance. I wish I had, because now it’s too late. I am making a point to try and talk with those around me more, as well as listening to them. Because, as I found out the hard way, you never know when they will be gone. I encourage you to do 2 things today. First, talk and listen to those around you, as much as you can. Tell them something you like about them or a corny joke or…….anything! We live in such a hustle and bustle world that we miss out on what’s happening in others people’s lives right around us. I guess that’s why I write this silly blog, to let you peek in on my weird little world. Most of you do not have a blog, but you could call, or send an email, or if you are really brave, write a note and send it snail mail. I would love to hear what is going on in your little world, even if it’s about something you would consider mundane, or silly. Heck, you could even leave a note in the comment spot at the end of this post. Do it because you will feel just a bit more connected to my world, as well as the big world flashing by you every day. Do it, because you never know when it might be too late. As the big swoosh says, “Just do it”.
Secondly, please pray for Tony’s family. They miss him terribly, and need to be encouraged during this difficult time, as well as into the future. Also, if you are so led, an account has been opened for his girls that will help their financial future. Please contact me if you are interested. (aha, a perfect excuse to connect!) Thanks, and we’ll have that talk someday Tony. I hear clouds are comfy!

The other event was at the Easter service at Sunrise Community Church. After the sermon, Pastor Rich interviewed a young man named Eric. In May 2008, he was with a friend and his 8 year old daughter at the river enjoying the time. Some “bad” dudes were on the other side of the river cussing and threatening a woman. His friend asked them to stop as he pointed to his daughter. The men came across the river and tired attacking him. He got away, and as Eric was leading the little girl up a trail, one of the men ran after him. In spite of his asking the man to stop because the girl was right behind him, the man stabbed him in the chest. To make a long story shorter, he should have died. God kept him alive; in spite of the fact he lost 3 times his bodies’ blood level through the surgery. But his optical nerves died from the lack of blood supply and he is now blind.
You would think he would be super depressed and hate the man who did such a horrible act. But the fact is, he believes that God will use what happened to him as a greater purpose. He loves to talk, and has a sharp wit and a great smile. He is attending school and wants to see how God can use him to share His love with others. As he said Sunday, he has a pretty “interesting” story to tell people. I was encouraged and impressed as I am not sure I would have such a great attitude about something like that. Yes, I could see myself ultimately accepting my circumstances and moving on with life, after seeing to it that the man with the knife would have his eyeballs fed to the crows. Then he would be easy prey for the other prisoners.
So I guess I still have some growing to do, but I bet you could figure that out. Thanks Eric, for modeling what forgiveness is about: Mercy, when it is not deserved. See 1 Peter 1:3

Until next time,

Faith, Hope & Love
RB~

Assorted thoughts, news bits, etc.

I am so glad spring is almost here, and can't wait to get up in the mountains to fish. Also glad daylight savings time is back. More daylight hours to get stuff done around the yard. I am currently weeding my garden area, (about 3/4 done) I planted a sago palm tree in the front, and am waiting for my Japanese maples to burst forth with foliage. And yes, I still have the best lookin lawn in the neighborhood. Dang right....

The girls are doing well in school and are turning into fine young ladies. And at this point, they still like spending time with me, which makes me so happy! (dare I say that I am a dork, yet still a cool Dad?) (Semi-cool?)(Kinda Cool)(a little cool)(never mind) We went on a hike last Sat. up near Cool, Ca. in the Knickerbocker rec. area. Over 2000 acres of rolling foothills, with lots of wildlife and open space. We had a blast.
And I told them they have plenty of time to spend with me until I allow them to date, when they turn 34. Seriously though, I cannot say it enough, but I am so proud of my daughters, and love them so very much! Hugs....

Kathie made a homemade turkey pot pie yesterday. Can you say scrum-delicious? Thanks baby!

I now have over 110 friends on Facebook. Does that make me popular? Or pathetic...Oh just admit it, you want alot of friends too! Its OK, look people up and have fun with it. Add me, and I may just think about sending you a Christmas card this year. I will only think of it, not actually do it, but at least I am honest. BTW, if you are a Facebookie, (I just made that up, but it has a nice ring to it) check out Gangster Battle. You get to control your own Crime Family and work your way up the Syndicate. It is fun, so check it out and join my "family". Just give me respect and donta maka me mad!

I have watched Lost from the beginning, and am now convinced the creator is on Crack. I am now hoping the whole Island gets blown up by a nuke, but Hurley survives and becomes an offensive lineman for the Raiders. He can't be any worse than what they already have, right?

Speaking of parents, we are so blessed to have good ones, on both sides of the family. We do not get to see the Motz's very often, as they live in Colorado. We miss the, and are praying that God opens a way for them to move back to Sac. Fred, I'll make you some homemade jam, and Joanne, I'll let you spoil the girls. We love you guys!
My folks are the busiest retired folks we know, and are always jetting or driving off somewhere. In spite of that, they help us out alot, and we appreciate it. We don't always voice it, but thanks for being good role models, (yes, I got my panache from my Dad!) and for supporting us in so many ways. For old people, you sure are awesome!

Raleys have not announced a winner yet for the commercial contest, but I will let you know if Chris, my co-worker won or not. I can taste that Eye of the hawk....

Another co-worker, Jessica, asked me to write a poem about her. So here it is:

Jessica

Jessica tries to karate chop me.
So when I see her I try and flee.
She sneaks around and tries to chop.
But I see her coming and away I hop.
She hides very well and makes no sound.
So I am very careful and look all around.
Now she jumps out and I think I am dead.
She karate chopped my neck, and off came my head.

That's all for this time people, stay funky and fresh.

Faith, Hope & Love
RB~

Raley's commercial update, etc.

About a month ago, I shared with you that Raley’s was having a contest where folks create a 30 second commercial about their private label products. Unfortunately, my entry did not make the top 3 finalists. I think if I had not missed the first 2 seconds of filming when the Oakmont cheer team actually says “Raley’s fine foods”, my offering would be in the running. But I will not cry over spilt milk, as it was a blast to do anyway.
One of my co-workers at Bel Air, Chris, had 2 entries, and both were done very well. So well, that one of them was selected to be in the top 3! And if I cannot win it, then I will support Chris by voting for his selection. If he wins, he gets a $5000 shopping spree at our stores. With that in mind, I am asking that you take a look at all 3 entries here: http://www.raleys.com/cfapps/contests/090219_commercial_contest.cfm
And I think you will agree that his is the best one, and you will vote for him as well. Right? OK, if you really like one of the other two, then by all means, break Chris’s heart, and vote for it. *Just know that Chris works 4 jobs to put food on the table for his 9 children, and to keep elderly grandparents in fresh Depend’s. He even operates a rickshaw in our parking lot during his lunch breaks for extra dollars. So saying that he could use the money is kind of like saying cop’s like doughnuts, or that Angelina Jolie likes babies from other countries. Duh. So vote for his entry, which shows his little boy using a ladder to get some Raley’s brand Oatey O’s. Do it for his family, do it for the call of freedom, or do it because I told you to. Just do it!
* This story was entirely made up to tug at your heartstrings to manipulate your vote. If the Hallmark channel can do it, not to mention every slick politician, then so can I! Chris really has 3 children, and I am not sure about the status of his Grandparents, but he is a nice guy, and promised to buy me some Eye of the Hawk beer if he wins. So it is still important…

Also, here is another poem from my collection. Please, if anyone knows a good artist that could illustrate my work, I would appreciate the hook-up. I cannot afford “professional” artists but need to have them done before I shop around for publishers. Thanks.


The Good clown

I believe with all my heart, that all clowns are bad.
They have scared me silly, since I was just a lad.
Then I heard good news, that one clown was good.
Killing all the bad clowns, just like he knew he should.
He was very smart, and knew just what to do.
Beating bad clowns dead, with his giant funny shoe.
One by one he stalked them, and made sure they were dead.
Laughing out loud and smiling, as he bashed their head.
The bad clowns were afraid, they knew they were in danger.
Never knowing who to trust, afraid of every stranger.
They did not know the culprit, or if he was one of their own.
They hoped he would be caught, his identity would be shown.
But only one clown knows for sure, one clown holds the key.
Let me tell you a little secret now, the good clown is me!

Faith, Hope & Love
RB~

More Poems

If I Were

If I were a tree, then I could see, both near, and far far away.
But then a lumberjack would cut me down, and on my side I would lay.
If I were a snake, then I would slither, all around and eat lots of rats.
But then some mean old men would come, and beat me with baseball bats.
If I were a cow, I’d eat grass and chew, with every moment I take.
But then some Cowboy would come along, and kill me and eat me for steak.
If I were a fly, I’d bug everyone, and then I’d land on a log.
But then I’d see, a big fat tongue, and end up inside of a frog.
If I were a fish, I’d swim around, and on bugs and worms I would dine.
But then a fisherman would hook me fast, and pull me in on his line.
If I were an ostrich, I’d run around, with all of the strength I could muster.
But then they would catch ahold of me, and make me a feather duster.
If I were a pig, I’d eat and eat, and fill my tummy with all I could cram.
But then the farmer would want to eat too, and make me into bacon and ham.
If I were a worm, I’d eat lots of dirt, and never worry about my fate.
But then a little boy would come along, and use me for fishing bait.
If I were a monkey, I’d have lots of fun, even if I lived in the zoo.
But if I got upset, or didn’t feel happy, I’d jump up and throw my poo.
If I were a poet, I’d write lots of rhymes, and always do it with style.
But I guess I’d rather write this silly stuff, and see your wonderful smile!

Revenge

There once was a monkey, who lived at the local zoo.
And like a naughty chimp, he loved to throw his poo.
The folks would come and watch, as he would gently swing.
Then the little bugger, would grab his poop and fling.
The people were appalled, and complained of their disgust.
And as weeks and months went by, they slowly lost their trust.
He hit them on their arms and legs, and he hit them on the nose.
He hit them with the poop so much, it would splatter on their clothes.
They grew very tired of the monkey, and knew they’d had enough.
They had to take a stand right now, it was time for getting tough.
Then one day all the people, gathered at the monkeys pen.
At least a hundred citizens, boys and girls and men.
They monkey soon saw them, all the people gathered there.
He saw them all in front of him, with excitement in the air.
Out into the open space, the naughty monkey strolled.
And as he grabbed his feces, he felt especially bold.
But what he saw right then, caught him by surprise.
He thought that he was dreaming, and could not believe his eyes.
Each and every person there, had come to take a stand.
As every man, woman and child, had some poo poo in their hand.
Then they started chucking dookie, with all their pent up rage.
And pelted him so hard, that he fell over in his cage.
As soon as they were finished, the monkey crawled away.
He knew that he deserved it, much to his dismay.
And now when people visit him, he never misbehaves.
He lets a little monkey fart, then grins at them and waves.

all poems ©copywrite 2008 by Ryan S. Buckman

They want to publish my work!!!

Its amazing, but true. One of my poems has been selected for publishing in a book by the International Library of Poetry. I think I have hit the big time. The letter I got states: "In celebration of the unique talent you have shown, we wish to publish your poem on its own page. It is scheduled for publication in winter 2009, and will be a classic hardbound volume, printed in two colors on fine milled paper. and....After carefully reading and discussing your poem, our selection committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Open poetry contest. You have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes, including the $1000 Grand prize! You may even win the $10,000 Annual Grand prize! "

Here is my entry:

The bottom of my pool

The bottom of my pool
Like a babies
only wetter
Like water
underground
only not so clear
Hungry Hippo
Gleaming in the filter
only sweatier
Crashing Jetliner
hopping kangaroo's
only drunk
from the ultimate
Theater
only blinkier
but its not minty
nor prone to weep
only laughing
the team loses
My dream
Like the bottom of my pool

Hold the applause. Really. The truth is that everything I stated above is true, but there is a catch. This contest, and others like it, are ploys to get you to purchase the book they publish you in. I saw an ad online for it and wondered, if I made up the most ridiculous poem I could think of, would they still try and sell me on how good it was. Well since I have received about 5 things in the mail reminding me of my "literary genius", and my "gift of making words into art", I guess I got my answer. Pretty funny stuff! Do a search for poetry contests and try it yourself. You too, could be published like me, and become rich and famous. By the way, the book was only $49.95. They also offered me my poem inscribed on a plaque for $29.95. What a bargain.

The truth is also that I really do write poetry, and while its not "beatniks in a coffeeshop" reading poems, its also a bit better than "the bottom of my pool". Here are a few selections:

Bath Buddy

Just the other day, I went to take a bath, but I was very sad and blue.
When I'm in the tub, I feel so alone, that i don't know what to do.
I have lots of toys, and my rubber ducky, but they don't make me feel glad.
Then I think of a friend, a very special one, the best buddy I ever had.
He showed up one day, in the tub, floating on top of the water.
I didn't notice at first, as I was busy, making the tub even hotter.
Then I saw him, about 4 inches long, and beautifully colored brown.
He didn't say much, and floated so nice, that i did not worry he'd drown.
We played lots of games, and had so much fun, he was the best bath buddy ever!
And as time went on, I secretly hoped, that we would be friends forever.
Then my Mom came in, to check up on me, and let out a horrible yell.
“What did you do?” I heard her ask, “and what is that terrible smell?”
I just smiled, and asked my Mother, why she was raising her voice.
“Don’t get sassy”, she responded to me, you have left me little choice”.
She put on some gloves, and scooped up my buddy, and lifted the lid on the john.
And dropped him in, and flushed him down, and just like that he was gone.
I gulped real hard, and tried not to cry, as I felt overwhelmed with sorrow.
But I soon realized, that though he was gone, I could make another tomorrow.
Well that day is here, and I realize, that my buddy may be in some trouble.
For instead of him here, with all of my pushing, all that came up was a bubble.

Great Grandpa’s Nose

When I was a boy, we’d visit Great Grandpa, who always had a smile on his face.
He was so very nice, and loved when we came, but one thing seemed out of place.
His nose you see, was the size of an apple, maybe even bigger than that.
I was amazed by it, how huge it was, and would watch him in his chair where he sat.
He would sometimes catch me, looking at him, and would ask if I was Okay.
I’d nod my head yes, but inside I’d worry, so much that I would pray.
“Dear God forgive me, for not eating my peas, and one more thing I ask.”
“Please don’t let my nose, be huge like his, Or Ill have to wear a mask.”
One day he was sleeping, with his head tilted back, of course in his special chair.
So I snuck up close, and looked up inside, but all I could see was nose hair.
Then I heard a noise, it was very faint, that sounded a lot like a voice.
Then it was louder, as I heard it again, and I knew that I had no choice.
For the voice was saying, “Please help us,” so I started to climb up inside.
It was dark at first, but then it got lighter, as the chasm opened up wide.
I was shocked and amazed, by what I saw, as I looked all over and around.
For what lay before me, was lots of people, in fact was an entire town!
A man ran up to me, and stuck out his hand, and then said “Welcome stranger.”
I shook his hand firmly, and he told me a tale, of how the town was in danger.
For every time, my Grandpa ate peppers, the town was flooded by snot.
He asked me to help, to convince him to stop, and I said I would give it a shot.
All the town cheered, as I waved goodbye, and climbed back down his nose.
I tugged on his arm, and said “Wake up Gramps”, and from his nap he arose.
I told him what happened, and made him promise, to never eat peppers again.
I could swear I heard, a voice shout “Thank you”, as my face broke out in a grin.


I will put a few more on here next time, so feedback is encouraged. Also, I am looking for a good watercolor or pastel illustrator before I shop for a publisher. Please let me know if you know of such an artist, that would possibly like to illustrate my work. I realize they are not for everyone, but thanks for taking the time to read them. And if you didn't, then shame on you! Take care everyone....

Faith, Hope & Love
RB~

Raleys commercial....Excellent Words!

Raleys is having a contest where "regular" folks or employees can create a 30 second commercial, highlighting Raley's Fine Food products or other private label items. Of course I had to enter, and here is the link to it on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYb6rf5PvAo (make sure you watch it in High Quality, or it will be blurry)

If you are interested in seeing other folks entries, then do a search for Raleys commercials on You Tube. Also, the top 3 selected by the contest committee will be posted on the Raleys website, and will be voted on by the public. Of course if mine is one of the 3, I know I can count on your vote, right? Thanks.

By the way, the Cheerleaders in the commercial are from Oakmont High School, Varsity girls. They will be going to the Nationals in Cheer competition soon. Way to go ladies! You did a great job in the video, thanks for the time and effort! (I work with one of the girls on the squad, Clarissa)

I was recently thinking about all the words that have the same meaning: Excellent or above average. Here is the list I came up with, in no particular order:

Excellent
Outstanding
Exceptional
Great
Awesome
Superb
Fantastic
Incredible
Tremendous
Terrific
Wonderful
Stupendous
Marvelous
Superior
Extraordinary
Splendid
Remarkable
Amazing
Outstanding
Fantastic
Magnificent
Sensational
Super
Fantabulous
Spectacular
Stunning
Astonishing
Dazzling
Glorious
Grand
Fabulous
Impressive
Brilliant
Breathtaking
Astonishing
Dandy

That is a lot of synonym's! Shouldn't there be a ranking system for them? How do we know which is better, Fantastic or Fabulous? Are you Sensational or Spectacular? Magnificent or Marvelous?

I know, you are thinking to yourself, "who cares", right? Well I care, obviously, or I would not be mentioning it here. I just think its weird we need so many words that mean the same thing.

Yes, I know Fantabulous is not in the Dictionary, but Van Morrison used it in his hit song, Moondance. That was an Awesome album. Or was it Astonishing? One can never be sure. At any rate, have a Dazzling Day, or an Extraordinary Evening. Or, be like the Farmer, Outstanding in his field......Never mind.

Worth Sharing...

Click on the year you were born and read the news for that year. Very Cool!

~1900_( http://www.infoplease.com/year/1900.html )
_1901_ ( http://www.infoplease.com/year/1901.html )
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New Year News, Short Story.....

Greetings everyone,
Here's hoping that the New year finds you safe, sane and silly.
We had a great holiday season, and in spite of the tough economy, were truly blessed. Time spent with family and friends, a few cool gifts, and an abundance of food made for another year of things to be grateful for, not to mention a few extra pounds.
A few personal highlights: Kathie found a new (great) job. Ryan made it through the holidays, and loves the store he is at. One small depressing note, 9 people were laid off due to slow sales, so a few prayers for them would be appreciated. The girls had a nice break from school, but are now back at it. They continue to get good grades and stay out of trouble, making their Dad wonder where they came from. We are truly proud, and extremely blessed to have such awesome kids. And they even still rub their Dad's feet. Thanks ladies! We have a new family member again, her name is Mika. A female cat who is a sweetheart. I tried to say no, but was worn down by the rest of the family until I caved in. The sad thing is that one of our other cats, Frankie, is very sick and frail, and will likely not be around much longer. It is going to be very difficult when that day comes.
We lost our sweet cat named Stinky, last year, and I decided to write a shorty story about her. I hope you enjoy it.

A cat named Stinky

I want to tell you about a cat. Her name was Stinky. Last year, Stinky went to the big litter box in the sky. We miss her a lot, and I thought I would give her a memorial through this story. So here it is
.
Stinky was born in the winter of 1992. Her Mom was a feral cat that lived behind the grocery store in Roseville where I worked. They survived on eating scraps of food and the grease from the fried chicken. There were a few times where I would have to take the trash out the back door, and when I would open it, Mom and kittens would scamper underneath the trash bin, or in the bushes.

Now to be honest, I do love animals, but realize that I cannot rescue or feed all of them. So while I felt bad for these little ones, I did not dwell on their existence.
The previous summer, I lost my male cat named “Boy” in a terrible accident. That’s another story for another time, but I loved him very much, and he felt the same. In fact, he worshipped me, and would come running when I called him. When I lost him, I cried for a week, and felt a huge sense of loss. I did not rush out to get a replacement, because, in my mind, no other cat could.

One night a co-worker at my store called me to the back room area. “Look in there”, he said, pointing to a box. I opened the top and peered in. What I saw was the most pathetic looking kitten I have ever seen. She was soaked from the rain, and also has blotches of grease in her hair. She was probably 7 or 8 weeks, but skinny and small. She looked up at me and let out a faint hiss. I closed the top of the box. “Where did you find it?” I asked him. “Just laying in the rain, right outside of the door”. “What should we do with it,” He asked. Without even thinking about it, I said, “I’ll take it”.

I left work about an hour later with my special box. When I got home, I told my wife Kathie I had a surprise. When she peered into the box, she said “Oh my goodness, how pathetic”, more out of a sense of pity rather than disgust. She then quickly went and got some milk. The kitten barely had enough strength to drink it, and curled up to sleep, happy to be in a warm, dry place.

The next day we gave it some kitten food, and she gobbled it up. She was still very afraid of me, and hissed and spat when I looked in on her. When Kathie got home from work, we decided that she needed to be cleaned up. When we opened the bathroom door, the most horrible stench I have ever smelled filled the room. Both of us gagged, and we sprayed air freshener to try get rid of it. Then I spotted her poop in the makeshift cat litter box we had made for her. It was a glob, of greasy gooey waste that was the source of the smell. Kathie grabbed it and took it out as she knew I would vomit if I got anywhere near it. Then I put on some gardening gloves, and stinky had her first, and only, human bath. She was all claws and teeth as we shampooed the grease out of her fur, and then fluffed her dry with a towel.
She was beautiful! Black and white, with pretty yellow eyes. But she still thought it was her job to hiss and yowl at us. When we discussed names, I said “Stinky seems to be appropriate.” Kathie agreed.

Stinky soon figured out that we were the source of food. She seemed to hiss less a little more each day, and soon, we let her out of the bathroom to explore. She ended up under our bed, as I am sure it was a flashback to the dumpster. But when we rattled the food box, it was irresistible, and she would come out. She knew that right off that the cat box was where she should poop, and she never did have an accident. We would feed her in the kitchen and she would come running when we shook the box. After a few weeks, she started sleeping on the couch, and would not run when we sat down. While she was asleep one day, I gently started rubbing her head. She opened one eye, and looked up at me, and then abruptly broke out in a loud purr. She had discovered that not only were we the source of food, but when we rubbed her, it felt really good!

She continued to grow, both physically, and figuratively. She would hop up on the couch and look at us like, “Ok, I am ready for some lovin”. She would venture out in our back yard, snooping around and laying in the sun. She had the softest fur, and a really high pitched meow, that really sounded more like “mew”. She did not like strangers in our house, and would disappear when someone came over. Also, our twins, Sarah and Sommer were babies. She would look at them with a quizzical look, and try to ignore them. Then they started crawling. Stinky did not like these mini humans trying to grab her, but she was still faster than them. Then they learned to walk, then run. During this period, she would only come out for her loving sessions only when the girls were asleep.

When Stinky was about 7, we decided to move from California to Oregon. We had trouble finding a place that would fit our family, now 5 with the addition of our youngest daughter Alicia, and that would take pets. We finally found a great place, but the owners were adamant about no pets. It was a very hard decision to make, but our friend Jennifer agreed to take her. We could still visit her, and maybe someday get her back. During the two years we were gone, Stinky reverted back to a semi-wild state, staying outside most of the time, and not letting Jennifer or her young daughter Laura, get near her. But when we came back, we went over right away, and Kathie cornered her, and brought to our new place. When we let her out of the carrier, she bolted upstairs and hid under our bed. We put a litter box out, and some food, and she would sneak out to do her business. After a week or so, I looked under the bed where she was sleeping. I crawled over, and gently began to rub her. I felt her tense up, then slowly relax. After a min or so, she stretched out, to take in all the massage. And soon, that rattle trap purr began to motor.
A few days later she began to venture out, then down the stairs, to explore, and seek love. By now, the girls were 7 and 5. They were old enough that they could approach her, and love her up as well. Soon Stinky was a mush pile of purrs and stretches, eagerly anticipating one of the family members to rub her. She was happy to be home, this time to stay. We were happy to have her.

We moved to a bigger place a few years later and stinky adapted very well. She would explore our back yard, and then come in for rub time. After a few years there, she was very upset when we brought home a new “friend”, Skittles, our new Pug puppy. She hid and sulked for three days, and would hiss at Skittles if she got near. But soon after, she got used to her, and “rejoined” the family pod. She was getting older now, and started losing some weight. Her kidney functions were starting to fail, but she was still pretty happy, in an old lady kind of way.

We moved again the next year, and you could tell, she did not like it. She still liked rubs, but not as often. She slept more, and became very skinny. Then the family talked me into another little guy, Frankie, who was rescued from a fire as a kitten and had one scarred eye. He was a feisty orange tabby who desperately wanted to play, but Stinky just wanted to be left alone. Her time with us was growing short, and a few months later, her eye that had been slightly damaged years earlier, came apart. It was a very emotional time when Kathie took her in, and said goodbye. We both shed tears, mine were in private.

Stinky taught me a few things: That no matter how rough our beginnings are, things always get better. Also, that love overcomes fear, when we drop our guard enough to let those we trust, give us that love. That you can come home a second time, if need be. That all of our days are numbered, and we get old and die. And that memories are truly treasured, even if its from a Cat named Stinky.

Thanks for stopping by,

Faith, Hope & Love
RB~