About a month ago, I shared with you that Raley’s was having a contest where folks create a 30 second commercial about their private label products. Unfortunately, my entry did not make the top 3 finalists. I think if I had not missed the first 2 seconds of filming when the Oakmont cheer team actually says “Raley’s fine foods”, my offering would be in the running. But I will not cry over spilt milk, as it was a blast to do anyway.
One of my co-workers at Bel Air, Chris, had 2 entries, and both were done very well. So well, that one of them was selected to be in the top 3! And if I cannot win it, then I will support Chris by voting for his selection. If he wins, he gets a $5000 shopping spree at our stores. With that in mind, I am asking that you take a look at all 3 entries here: http://www.raleys.com/cfapps/contests/090219_commercial_contest.cfm
And I think you will agree that his is the best one, and you will vote for him as well. Right? OK, if you really like one of the other two, then by all means, break Chris’s heart, and vote for it. *Just know that Chris works 4 jobs to put food on the table for his 9 children, and to keep elderly grandparents in fresh Depend’s. He even operates a rickshaw in our parking lot during his lunch breaks for extra dollars. So saying that he could use the money is kind of like saying cop’s like doughnuts, or that Angelina Jolie likes babies from other countries. Duh. So vote for his entry, which shows his little boy using a ladder to get some Raley’s brand Oatey O’s. Do it for his family, do it for the call of freedom, or do it because I told you to. Just do it!
* This story was entirely made up to tug at your heartstrings to manipulate your vote. If the Hallmark channel can do it, not to mention every slick politician, then so can I! Chris really has 3 children, and I am not sure about the status of his Grandparents, but he is a nice guy, and promised to buy me some Eye of the Hawk beer if he wins. So it is still important…
Also, here is another poem from my collection. Please, if anyone knows a good artist that could illustrate my work, I would appreciate the hook-up. I cannot afford “professional” artists but need to have them done before I shop around for publishers. Thanks.
The Good clown
I believe with all my heart, that all clowns are bad.
They have scared me silly, since I was just a lad.
Then I heard good news, that one clown was good.
Killing all the bad clowns, just like he knew he should.
He was very smart, and knew just what to do.
Beating bad clowns dead, with his giant funny shoe.
One by one he stalked them, and made sure they were dead.
Laughing out loud and smiling, as he bashed their head.
The bad clowns were afraid, they knew they were in danger.
Never knowing who to trust, afraid of every stranger.
They did not know the culprit, or if he was one of their own.
They hoped he would be caught, his identity would be shown.
But only one clown knows for sure, one clown holds the key.
Let me tell you a little secret now, the good clown is me!
Faith, Hope & Love
RB~
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
More Poems
If I Were
If I were a tree, then I could see, both near, and far far away.
But then a lumberjack would cut me down, and on my side I would lay.
If I were a snake, then I would slither, all around and eat lots of rats.
But then some mean old men would come, and beat me with baseball bats.
If I were a cow, I’d eat grass and chew, with every moment I take.
But then some Cowboy would come along, and kill me and eat me for steak.
If I were a fly, I’d bug everyone, and then I’d land on a log.
But then I’d see, a big fat tongue, and end up inside of a frog.
If I were a fish, I’d swim around, and on bugs and worms I would dine.
But then a fisherman would hook me fast, and pull me in on his line.
If I were an ostrich, I’d run around, with all of the strength I could muster.
But then they would catch ahold of me, and make me a feather duster.
If I were a pig, I’d eat and eat, and fill my tummy with all I could cram.
But then the farmer would want to eat too, and make me into bacon and ham.
If I were a worm, I’d eat lots of dirt, and never worry about my fate.
But then a little boy would come along, and use me for fishing bait.
If I were a monkey, I’d have lots of fun, even if I lived in the zoo.
But if I got upset, or didn’t feel happy, I’d jump up and throw my poo.
If I were a poet, I’d write lots of rhymes, and always do it with style.
But I guess I’d rather write this silly stuff, and see your wonderful smile!
Revenge
There once was a monkey, who lived at the local zoo.
And like a naughty chimp, he loved to throw his poo.
The folks would come and watch, as he would gently swing.
Then the little bugger, would grab his poop and fling.
The people were appalled, and complained of their disgust.
And as weeks and months went by, they slowly lost their trust.
He hit them on their arms and legs, and he hit them on the nose.
He hit them with the poop so much, it would splatter on their clothes.
They grew very tired of the monkey, and knew they’d had enough.
They had to take a stand right now, it was time for getting tough.
Then one day all the people, gathered at the monkeys pen.
At least a hundred citizens, boys and girls and men.
They monkey soon saw them, all the people gathered there.
He saw them all in front of him, with excitement in the air.
Out into the open space, the naughty monkey strolled.
And as he grabbed his feces, he felt especially bold.
But what he saw right then, caught him by surprise.
He thought that he was dreaming, and could not believe his eyes.
Each and every person there, had come to take a stand.
As every man, woman and child, had some poo poo in their hand.
Then they started chucking dookie, with all their pent up rage.
And pelted him so hard, that he fell over in his cage.
As soon as they were finished, the monkey crawled away.
He knew that he deserved it, much to his dismay.
And now when people visit him, he never misbehaves.
He lets a little monkey fart, then grins at them and waves.
all poems ©copywrite 2008 by Ryan S. Buckman
If I were a tree, then I could see, both near, and far far away.
But then a lumberjack would cut me down, and on my side I would lay.
If I were a snake, then I would slither, all around and eat lots of rats.
But then some mean old men would come, and beat me with baseball bats.
If I were a cow, I’d eat grass and chew, with every moment I take.
But then some Cowboy would come along, and kill me and eat me for steak.
If I were a fly, I’d bug everyone, and then I’d land on a log.
But then I’d see, a big fat tongue, and end up inside of a frog.
If I were a fish, I’d swim around, and on bugs and worms I would dine.
But then a fisherman would hook me fast, and pull me in on his line.
If I were an ostrich, I’d run around, with all of the strength I could muster.
But then they would catch ahold of me, and make me a feather duster.
If I were a pig, I’d eat and eat, and fill my tummy with all I could cram.
But then the farmer would want to eat too, and make me into bacon and ham.
If I were a worm, I’d eat lots of dirt, and never worry about my fate.
But then a little boy would come along, and use me for fishing bait.
If I were a monkey, I’d have lots of fun, even if I lived in the zoo.
But if I got upset, or didn’t feel happy, I’d jump up and throw my poo.
If I were a poet, I’d write lots of rhymes, and always do it with style.
But I guess I’d rather write this silly stuff, and see your wonderful smile!
Revenge
There once was a monkey, who lived at the local zoo.
And like a naughty chimp, he loved to throw his poo.
The folks would come and watch, as he would gently swing.
Then the little bugger, would grab his poop and fling.
The people were appalled, and complained of their disgust.
And as weeks and months went by, they slowly lost their trust.
He hit them on their arms and legs, and he hit them on the nose.
He hit them with the poop so much, it would splatter on their clothes.
They grew very tired of the monkey, and knew they’d had enough.
They had to take a stand right now, it was time for getting tough.
Then one day all the people, gathered at the monkeys pen.
At least a hundred citizens, boys and girls and men.
They monkey soon saw them, all the people gathered there.
He saw them all in front of him, with excitement in the air.
Out into the open space, the naughty monkey strolled.
And as he grabbed his feces, he felt especially bold.
But what he saw right then, caught him by surprise.
He thought that he was dreaming, and could not believe his eyes.
Each and every person there, had come to take a stand.
As every man, woman and child, had some poo poo in their hand.
Then they started chucking dookie, with all their pent up rage.
And pelted him so hard, that he fell over in his cage.
As soon as they were finished, the monkey crawled away.
He knew that he deserved it, much to his dismay.
And now when people visit him, he never misbehaves.
He lets a little monkey fart, then grins at them and waves.
all poems ©copywrite 2008 by Ryan S. Buckman
Monday, February 2, 2009
They want to publish my work!!!
Its amazing, but true. One of my poems has been selected for publishing in a book by the International Library of Poetry. I think I have hit the big time. The letter I got states: "In celebration of the unique talent you have shown, we wish to publish your poem on its own page. It is scheduled for publication in winter 2009, and will be a classic hardbound volume, printed in two colors on fine milled paper. and....After carefully reading and discussing your poem, our selection committee has certified your poem as a semi-finalist in our International Open poetry contest. You have an excellent chance of winning one of 104 cash or gift prizes, including the $1000 Grand prize! You may even win the $10,000 Annual Grand prize! "
Here is my entry:
The bottom of my pool
The bottom of my pool
Like a babies
only wetter
Like water
underground
only not so clear
Hungry Hippo
Gleaming in the filter
only sweatier
Crashing Jetliner
hopping kangaroo's
only drunk
from the ultimate
Theater
only blinkier
but its not minty
nor prone to weep
only laughing
the team loses
My dream
Like the bottom of my pool
Hold the applause. Really. The truth is that everything I stated above is true, but there is a catch. This contest, and others like it, are ploys to get you to purchase the book they publish you in. I saw an ad online for it and wondered, if I made up the most ridiculous poem I could think of, would they still try and sell me on how good it was. Well since I have received about 5 things in the mail reminding me of my "literary genius", and my "gift of making words into art", I guess I got my answer. Pretty funny stuff! Do a search for poetry contests and try it yourself. You too, could be published like me, and become rich and famous. By the way, the book was only $49.95. They also offered me my poem inscribed on a plaque for $29.95. What a bargain.
The truth is also that I really do write poetry, and while its not "beatniks in a coffeeshop" reading poems, its also a bit better than "the bottom of my pool". Here are a few selections:
Bath Buddy
Just the other day, I went to take a bath, but I was very sad and blue.
When I'm in the tub, I feel so alone, that i don't know what to do.
I have lots of toys, and my rubber ducky, but they don't make me feel glad.
Then I think of a friend, a very special one, the best buddy I ever had.
He showed up one day, in the tub, floating on top of the water.
I didn't notice at first, as I was busy, making the tub even hotter.
Then I saw him, about 4 inches long, and beautifully colored brown.
He didn't say much, and floated so nice, that i did not worry he'd drown.
We played lots of games, and had so much fun, he was the best bath buddy ever!
And as time went on, I secretly hoped, that we would be friends forever.
Then my Mom came in, to check up on me, and let out a horrible yell.
“What did you do?” I heard her ask, “and what is that terrible smell?”
I just smiled, and asked my Mother, why she was raising her voice.
“Don’t get sassy”, she responded to me, you have left me little choice”.
She put on some gloves, and scooped up my buddy, and lifted the lid on the john.
And dropped him in, and flushed him down, and just like that he was gone.
I gulped real hard, and tried not to cry, as I felt overwhelmed with sorrow.
But I soon realized, that though he was gone, I could make another tomorrow.
Well that day is here, and I realize, that my buddy may be in some trouble.
For instead of him here, with all of my pushing, all that came up was a bubble.
Great Grandpa’s Nose
When I was a boy, we’d visit Great Grandpa, who always had a smile on his face.
He was so very nice, and loved when we came, but one thing seemed out of place.
His nose you see, was the size of an apple, maybe even bigger than that.
I was amazed by it, how huge it was, and would watch him in his chair where he sat.
He would sometimes catch me, looking at him, and would ask if I was Okay.
I’d nod my head yes, but inside I’d worry, so much that I would pray.
“Dear God forgive me, for not eating my peas, and one more thing I ask.”
“Please don’t let my nose, be huge like his, Or Ill have to wear a mask.”
One day he was sleeping, with his head tilted back, of course in his special chair.
So I snuck up close, and looked up inside, but all I could see was nose hair.
Then I heard a noise, it was very faint, that sounded a lot like a voice.
Then it was louder, as I heard it again, and I knew that I had no choice.
For the voice was saying, “Please help us,” so I started to climb up inside.
It was dark at first, but then it got lighter, as the chasm opened up wide.
I was shocked and amazed, by what I saw, as I looked all over and around.
For what lay before me, was lots of people, in fact was an entire town!
A man ran up to me, and stuck out his hand, and then said “Welcome stranger.”
I shook his hand firmly, and he told me a tale, of how the town was in danger.
For every time, my Grandpa ate peppers, the town was flooded by snot.
He asked me to help, to convince him to stop, and I said I would give it a shot.
All the town cheered, as I waved goodbye, and climbed back down his nose.
I tugged on his arm, and said “Wake up Gramps”, and from his nap he arose.
I told him what happened, and made him promise, to never eat peppers again.
I could swear I heard, a voice shout “Thank you”, as my face broke out in a grin.
I will put a few more on here next time, so feedback is encouraged. Also, I am looking for a good watercolor or pastel illustrator before I shop for a publisher. Please let me know if you know of such an artist, that would possibly like to illustrate my work. I realize they are not for everyone, but thanks for taking the time to read them. And if you didn't, then shame on you! Take care everyone....
Faith, Hope & Love
RB~
Here is my entry:
The bottom of my pool
The bottom of my pool
Like a babies
only wetter
Like water
underground
only not so clear
Hungry Hippo
Gleaming in the filter
only sweatier
Crashing Jetliner
hopping kangaroo's
only drunk
from the ultimate
Theater
only blinkier
but its not minty
nor prone to weep
only laughing
the team loses
My dream
Like the bottom of my pool
Hold the applause. Really. The truth is that everything I stated above is true, but there is a catch. This contest, and others like it, are ploys to get you to purchase the book they publish you in. I saw an ad online for it and wondered, if I made up the most ridiculous poem I could think of, would they still try and sell me on how good it was. Well since I have received about 5 things in the mail reminding me of my "literary genius", and my "gift of making words into art", I guess I got my answer. Pretty funny stuff! Do a search for poetry contests and try it yourself. You too, could be published like me, and become rich and famous. By the way, the book was only $49.95. They also offered me my poem inscribed on a plaque for $29.95. What a bargain.
The truth is also that I really do write poetry, and while its not "beatniks in a coffeeshop" reading poems, its also a bit better than "the bottom of my pool". Here are a few selections:
Bath Buddy
Just the other day, I went to take a bath, but I was very sad and blue.
When I'm in the tub, I feel so alone, that i don't know what to do.
I have lots of toys, and my rubber ducky, but they don't make me feel glad.
Then I think of a friend, a very special one, the best buddy I ever had.
He showed up one day, in the tub, floating on top of the water.
I didn't notice at first, as I was busy, making the tub even hotter.
Then I saw him, about 4 inches long, and beautifully colored brown.
He didn't say much, and floated so nice, that i did not worry he'd drown.
We played lots of games, and had so much fun, he was the best bath buddy ever!
And as time went on, I secretly hoped, that we would be friends forever.
Then my Mom came in, to check up on me, and let out a horrible yell.
“What did you do?” I heard her ask, “and what is that terrible smell?”
I just smiled, and asked my Mother, why she was raising her voice.
“Don’t get sassy”, she responded to me, you have left me little choice”.
She put on some gloves, and scooped up my buddy, and lifted the lid on the john.
And dropped him in, and flushed him down, and just like that he was gone.
I gulped real hard, and tried not to cry, as I felt overwhelmed with sorrow.
But I soon realized, that though he was gone, I could make another tomorrow.
Well that day is here, and I realize, that my buddy may be in some trouble.
For instead of him here, with all of my pushing, all that came up was a bubble.
Great Grandpa’s Nose
When I was a boy, we’d visit Great Grandpa, who always had a smile on his face.
He was so very nice, and loved when we came, but one thing seemed out of place.
His nose you see, was the size of an apple, maybe even bigger than that.
I was amazed by it, how huge it was, and would watch him in his chair where he sat.
He would sometimes catch me, looking at him, and would ask if I was Okay.
I’d nod my head yes, but inside I’d worry, so much that I would pray.
“Dear God forgive me, for not eating my peas, and one more thing I ask.”
“Please don’t let my nose, be huge like his, Or Ill have to wear a mask.”
One day he was sleeping, with his head tilted back, of course in his special chair.
So I snuck up close, and looked up inside, but all I could see was nose hair.
Then I heard a noise, it was very faint, that sounded a lot like a voice.
Then it was louder, as I heard it again, and I knew that I had no choice.
For the voice was saying, “Please help us,” so I started to climb up inside.
It was dark at first, but then it got lighter, as the chasm opened up wide.
I was shocked and amazed, by what I saw, as I looked all over and around.
For what lay before me, was lots of people, in fact was an entire town!
A man ran up to me, and stuck out his hand, and then said “Welcome stranger.”
I shook his hand firmly, and he told me a tale, of how the town was in danger.
For every time, my Grandpa ate peppers, the town was flooded by snot.
He asked me to help, to convince him to stop, and I said I would give it a shot.
All the town cheered, as I waved goodbye, and climbed back down his nose.
I tugged on his arm, and said “Wake up Gramps”, and from his nap he arose.
I told him what happened, and made him promise, to never eat peppers again.
I could swear I heard, a voice shout “Thank you”, as my face broke out in a grin.
I will put a few more on here next time, so feedback is encouraged. Also, I am looking for a good watercolor or pastel illustrator before I shop for a publisher. Please let me know if you know of such an artist, that would possibly like to illustrate my work. I realize they are not for everyone, but thanks for taking the time to read them. And if you didn't, then shame on you! Take care everyone....
Faith, Hope & Love
RB~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
