More Poems

If I Were

If I were a tree, then I could see, both near, and far far away.
But then a lumberjack would cut me down, and on my side I would lay.
If I were a snake, then I would slither, all around and eat lots of rats.
But then some mean old men would come, and beat me with baseball bats.
If I were a cow, I’d eat grass and chew, with every moment I take.
But then some Cowboy would come along, and kill me and eat me for steak.
If I were a fly, I’d bug everyone, and then I’d land on a log.
But then I’d see, a big fat tongue, and end up inside of a frog.
If I were a fish, I’d swim around, and on bugs and worms I would dine.
But then a fisherman would hook me fast, and pull me in on his line.
If I were an ostrich, I’d run around, with all of the strength I could muster.
But then they would catch ahold of me, and make me a feather duster.
If I were a pig, I’d eat and eat, and fill my tummy with all I could cram.
But then the farmer would want to eat too, and make me into bacon and ham.
If I were a worm, I’d eat lots of dirt, and never worry about my fate.
But then a little boy would come along, and use me for fishing bait.
If I were a monkey, I’d have lots of fun, even if I lived in the zoo.
But if I got upset, or didn’t feel happy, I’d jump up and throw my poo.
If I were a poet, I’d write lots of rhymes, and always do it with style.
But I guess I’d rather write this silly stuff, and see your wonderful smile!

Revenge

There once was a monkey, who lived at the local zoo.
And like a naughty chimp, he loved to throw his poo.
The folks would come and watch, as he would gently swing.
Then the little bugger, would grab his poop and fling.
The people were appalled, and complained of their disgust.
And as weeks and months went by, they slowly lost their trust.
He hit them on their arms and legs, and he hit them on the nose.
He hit them with the poop so much, it would splatter on their clothes.
They grew very tired of the monkey, and knew they’d had enough.
They had to take a stand right now, it was time for getting tough.
Then one day all the people, gathered at the monkeys pen.
At least a hundred citizens, boys and girls and men.
They monkey soon saw them, all the people gathered there.
He saw them all in front of him, with excitement in the air.
Out into the open space, the naughty monkey strolled.
And as he grabbed his feces, he felt especially bold.
But what he saw right then, caught him by surprise.
He thought that he was dreaming, and could not believe his eyes.
Each and every person there, had come to take a stand.
As every man, woman and child, had some poo poo in their hand.
Then they started chucking dookie, with all their pent up rage.
And pelted him so hard, that he fell over in his cage.
As soon as they were finished, the monkey crawled away.
He knew that he deserved it, much to his dismay.
And now when people visit him, he never misbehaves.
He lets a little monkey fart, then grins at them and waves.

all poems ©copywrite 2008 by Ryan S. Buckman