The Election...My solution!

This is an Election year, that special time where we all get to choose what politician we think will be the least corrupt, and watch at least 9000 TV commercials where we hear them tell how corrupt their opponent is. What fun.
OK, I admit, I voted for our current President, and can still say I would do it again, even knowing what has taken place since then. Am I proud of my choice? Well, its a little like picking a huge booger, as I marvel at it myself, but don't really want anyone else to see it. I know you can relate, if you are honest. So maybe you don't inspect your nose nuggets, but you do pass gas. When no one is around, and you rip a big one, and it REALLY smells bad, you are kind of proud, arent you? Not so proud you call up your minister or your Mother, but secretly you cannot believe you have created something that smells like a dying hyena that rolled in vulture vomit.
Back to my original point, the current administration is not the best ever, but was the lesser of two evils. I think its the same this year, as the younger, hipper, minority candidate (who incedentally smokes ciggarettes)talks of change, without defining what that really means. The older, crustier, more experienced candidate (who we think may wear depends,) talks of more of the same, which has kept this country safe since 9/11, but also has seen the economy dip and the price of gas rise like a doughnut at a weight watchers meeting.
So, who to vote for? Me!
Ya, that's the ticket, as I am announcing my candidacy today, for President of the Untied Skates of America. Let me outline my vision for this great Nation.
First off, what I say, goes. None of this lets see how the House or Senate votes, I will be large and in charge. Move over Oprah.
Secondly, my plan for the current fuel crisis. Now most of you do not realize, but the largest single Country who we import Oil from, is Canada. Yes, that's right, the same country who recycles ham and calls it Canadian Bacon. Give us a break, you are not fooling anyone, eh? Also, lots of Maple syrup, which I love, and Hockey, which I hate. Oh, and they have one of the greatest rock Bands ever, Rush. (insert La Villa Strangiato here) Other than that, Canada serves no useful purpose other than Oil. So, I propose we make it the 51'st state of the USA. Oh, it won't take much, maybe 10 or so of those armored Recreation Vehicles like they had in the movie Stripes, driving up over the border. They shouldn't put up too much of a fight, other than a few hockey sticks. In the end, Americans will be paying less than 2 bucks a gallon again, and I will be the hero.
Here are a few more highlights of my plan. We only tax dumb people. Think about it, they are not smart enough to know the difference anyway. Also, no more Golf. I don't like Golf. All those golf courses across the land taking up valuble space. Those will now be turned into work, uh I mean "productivity" camps for the Canadians, (and maybe the House and Senate folks too) so we do not have to trade with China anymore. We have our own cheap labor now, to make our own cheap crap. I know, its brilliant. Thank you.
I realize there may be those that oppose my ideas, and let me assure you this: There is room in the new golf course "productivity" camps for you to labor along side of the Canadians. I promise to feed you all the Canaidian bacon and maple syrup you want, as well as cheap Canadian beer. *burp...
Also, I will need to fill a few new Cabinet positions: Head foot rub'er, Garlic munchie creator, Bikini babe presidential cheerleaders, and trout fishing coordinator. I know, more brilliance. Hold your applause.
Now before you go turning me in to Homeland security or The Mayberry Police, let me say that this blog was done with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Everything but the head foot rub'er that is. If you know someone who may qualify, let me know.
And how about full contact Golf with Bikini Babes handing out Garlic Treats? Ya, that's the ticket!